**Note: I haven’t written in a while, I know – life has taken a few turns for the crazy and every time I sit down to write I stare at a blank screen for an hour and tear my hair out. So, just to get going again here, I’m doing an experiment. I have this cool app called Brainsparker which is basically a virtual deck of cards that you can sort of tailor to your chosen subject matter, and if you’re feeling intimidated by the blank screen in front of you, you can draw a card with an idea seed or a question and write about that. I’m going to do a quick Brainsparker post every day for the next 30 days. Ready? Here’s day 1:
I bought some new Nike’s yesterday on impulse. My feet were feeling pounded from standing more than usual and training hard and my old Nike’s were starting to feel a little dead. But more importantly, there’s some re-invention happening in my corner: two weeks ago I changed workplaces (still with World Health but in another location). I’m working more hours, training to compete in a new sport, and I’ve switched roles with my husband at home. It was time for new shoes. I mean, clearly.
What’s interesting about these new kicks is that they are a perfect metaphor for how I feel about life lately: I wasn’t looking for change – not this one, anyway – but it kind of fell into my lap because I was in the right place at the right time.
So, I bought these on sale. If they hadn’t had a really attractive price tag I probably wouldn’t have even given them a second look, but I figured I’d give them a try and see how they felt. I had a couple of other pairs to try on that were my usual standby’s; I knew I’d like them and that they’d fit and that they were, well, ME. But when I took these out of the box and put them on, they felt AWESOME. They weren’t what I usually wear though, so I took them off and stuck them back into the box. I tried on the other pairs that were more familiar…but they just didn’t feel as good. I went back to the sale pair and looked at them.
I hate pink. No, I don’t really hate pink; it’s just not a colour I wear…and light grey? Blech. Nope. But for some reason I tried them on again. Yup, definitely WAY more comfortable than the other ones, and considerably cheaper. Sold. I figured if I wanted to I could always return them later…
But today I’m liking them more. They still don’t quite look like ME, but goddamn do they feel like home on my feet, and people keep commenting on how great they look.
The thing about changing and moving forward is that some discomfort is inevitable. It doesn’t mean that the change is bad (although I tell ya I have done an awful lot of flip-flopping and second guessing over the last couple of weeks), it just means that there is learning and growing happening. And the accompanying awkward collection of feels that goes with leveling up in life (including but not limited to euphoria, loneliness, ambition, hope, uncertainty, enthusiasm, and guilt) can be overwhelming. But all of that will pass, and like a new pair of sneakers, the new normal will be even better than the way things were a month ago.
So, at the end of the work day today, I’m gonna go to my locker and chuck out the shoe box that I was hanging onto just in case I decided not to keep these sneakers. They’re keepers.