Hooray y’all! It is Friday, and have I got a treat for you because *most* of us made it through the week without stabbing anyone and I think that’s worth celebrating. Right? There were definitely moments this week where I was capable of violence but chose to ignore my lizard-y instincts. So do yourself a favour and make these cookies; I promise you will all be better, happier people if you do. I know the recipe looks a little strange but hang with me and follow it anyway – the end product is worth it.
I searched my soul (and Instagram) for a good name for these cookies, and almost didn’t find one until I had a brainwave as I was putting the new and improved batch into the oven. It was so obvious that it made me laugh out loud: 42. According to the Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy, the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It fits because something else that I am grudgingly celebrating this weekend is my 42nd birthday. I am having trouble with this one for some reason, but instead of digging into my uncomfortable feelings about aging, the weird and awful things my skin and hair are doing, lack of strength gainzz, and general fear that I’ll be obsolete sooner than later, I’m gonna smother all the bad feelings with snacks. These cookies fit the bill here too; they are bittersweet and salty, crunchy but soft on the inside, and generally full of contradictions, just like a foul-mouthed middle-aged mom who is going to fucking well go down swinging. So here is my birthday gift to all of you: the recipe for…
Ok, do stuff in this order. Ready? Buckle up. First, you need to take your bag of mini Skor bites (resist the temptation to open it and make sure they aren’t poisoned) and hit it with a hammer until you feel the stress of your week melting away. Pour the smashed Skors into a smaller bowl and set it aside until later. Now open up your bag of potato chips (you can eat some if you want to; there’ll be extra) and crunch it up a little bit – not too much because you want potato chips, not potato dust. Set that aside too. Now turn on the oven to 375, get out a big bowl and and an electric mixer, and get started.
1 cup salted butter
½ cup almond butter
¾ cup packed brown sugar
¾ cup white sugar
I know – I never said these cookies were healthy. No sense eating around your cravings; if you want a cookie, have a mahfuggin cookie. Cream all of the above together, then keep whipping the mixture for a couple more minutes until it’s fluffy. Do not skip this step, it is SO worth it. Then add:
Turn up the mixer and keep whipping it. When it looks light and fluffy, throw in
1 ½ cups oat flour (I just grind up oats in the blender to make flour; no need to search the health-food aisles for it)
1 cup whole wheat flour (okay, they’re sorta healthy I guess – not on purpose; I find that whole wheat flour actually tastes a little more robust and makes for a better texture in cookies)
1 ½ tsp baking soda
1 ½ tsp baking powder
Mix the dry ingredients in – and now you have to work fast, because if you over-mix baking powder what you’ll get is sweet and salty hockey pucks instead of cookies – and now you get to add the fun stuff:
2 cups crunched-up potato chips
2 cups Frosted Flakes cereal
1 package premium dark chocolate chips (don’t skimp on the quality, ok? For serious. I spent 15 bucks on a bag of Bernard Callebaut chocolate chips for this recipe so don’t sell yourself short.)
1 package of smashed-up Skor minis
Mix just enough to combine, then, using a big-ass cookie dough scoop (who wants small cookies anyway?) drop the balls of dough onto a cookie sheet. Note: these babies need their space – eight cookies per sheet, maximum. Bake for 11 minutes, then take them out of the oven. They will not look done but I promise you they are – and DO NOT EAT THEM until they have cooled off ALL THE WAY. Resist. This is resistance training right here. You can do it. When the chocolate and skor pieces are firm again and the chips and cereal have their crunch back, these cookies will be PERFECT just the way they are. Just like you.
Have a great weekend!