We’re halfway there! Can I get a…oh never mind. Having trouble drumming up enthusiasm for much these days. I mean, Yay…we’re only halfway. This is clearly one of those optimist/pessimist glass-is-half-full situations and I am failing.
Anyway, onto the important stuff! Here’s my Progress Selfie.
Hmm – lined up like that it doesn’t really look like anything has happened at all, but according to the scale I have lost 4.6kg and my lifting belt is in by two holes so…stuff is changing. Don’t worry, I am well aware that probably half of that is water weight, but weight is weight as far as the competition next weekend goes. And I am in my weight class with a week to spare!
People are weird. I started this project thinking that I wasn’t going to tell anyone until after it was done, because I was a little afraid of getting peppered with judgement. Instead, what has happened is that most everyone tells me a) that I’m crazy and then either b) the reasons why it wouldn’t work for them: “I’d get too sick of meat” or “I’m not really a meat eater” or “I’d get too constipated” etc, etc. or c) all the misinformed reasons why it’s a stupid idea: “You’ll get scurvy” or “you’ll never poop again” or “meat will give you cancer”. Listen, this idea is not for everyone; I get that it’s extreme. But you know how you get through it? You make up your mind to do it and then you fucking do it. I AM sick of meat. I was not a huge meat eater before this project. Who gives a shit? That doesn’t matter – if anything it gives me some empathy for my dog who is pumped to eat the same freaking kibbles every day. Everything tastes good…if you’re hungry enough. Also, what are we all going to do when the zombies come? Be picky? Good luck with that. /endrant
Now, the GOOD:
As far as weight loss and getting shredded go, this diet’s the bomb. I am not in the least bit hungry, and because it is SO freaking restrictive there is virtually no decision making. The other interesting thing is that I am ONLY eating when I am really, truly hungry – something I don’t think I’ve ever done. There’s zero eating for pleasure, fatigue, stress, boredom…I don’t know if that’s necessarily GOOD but it has definitely been a useful lesson.
I spent most of this week second guessing my decisions in life and being one cranky bitch because I wasn’t feeling very good. I slept really well last week, but this week not so much – sick dog, sick kids, and a wildly overbooked work schedule all contributed to a lot of sleep loss. I also hurt my back early in the week and training went to shit right when I should have been peaking for competition next weekend. All that stuff is just part of adulting…but I kept wondering: is this because of the diet?? Maybe, maybe not – it’s hard to say. So do I bail and add some carbs back in? But what if I bail and that wasn’t the problem and nothing gets better? What if adding carbs back in at this point makes me feel WORSE? Then I’ll feel worse AND I will have thrown in the towel on what started out as a really good project, and then I’ll feel guilty, too.
So my governing monologue this week has been “nope, not cracking today…but I might tomorrow.”
I’m gonna do y’all a favour this week and not talk about the bathroom stuff because are you ready? Listen closely because EVERYONE thinks that constipation is an inevitable problem on this diet: it’s not an issue. I’m eating enough fat and drinking enough water that IT’S ALL FINE, I promise you.
What has really gotten ugly though, is that the chinks in my armor are showing. Homies, I am about to admit to something I hate more than anything so if y’all are feeling a little judgy today, I’d invite you to stop here and come back next week.
I have lost all capacity to roll with the punches, which is bad because punches are inevitable: traffic, teenage children, missed lifts, germs in our house, taxes, impending competition day (and panic over a cranky snapped up back and hip). And while normally I can dodge and roll with life’s stresses pretty handily, these days the only reaction I am capable of when faced with adversity is…tears. I spent more time this week weeping in my car than I ever have, often for no good reason. I mean, for fuck’s sake – it’s hard enough to stay hydrated on this diet without shedding a gallon of tears because some stranger flipped me off in the traffic. Who am I, anyway?
Time to invest in tinted windows maybe. Everything I’ve read says that the first two weeks are the worst. Fingers crossed for smooth sailing from here!
2 thoughts on “Chinks in the Armor”
Hannah, if you have lost your capacity to roll with the punches, you hide it well. And, as you have told me numerous times, DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOUR SELF. Being a cranky bitch once in a while is not only good for your cortisol level, but keeps those around you on their toes! Not a bad thing.
My experience is that as a competition gets near, my stress and crankiness levels go up.
I wish I could let go of getting wound up about it, but so far I haven’t been able to control that. I’m
glad you are trying to see your 30 day challenge to the end. It is a long experiment but if you will feel
disappointment from bailing, then carry on. There is no pressure, except from within, to see it to completion.
No one else will judge you. We all love you and want you and your body to feel in tip top form.