5 Completely Non-COVID-19-Related Reasons Why Masks are Great

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Because honestly, it’s Thursday, it’s summer, and who wants to read more depressing shit about the state of the world? I guess it’s necessary to stay up to date on things, especially as more and more cities are changing the rules about how we govern ourselves to control the Covid-19 pandemic. You all know where I’m going with this: mask-wearing is quickly changing from a personal choice to a requirement in public spaces. Now, I am not a fan of wearing a mask but I am firmly in favour of all of us working together and cooperating to keep each other safe…and if we want to get this stupid disease under control and everyone wearing a mask will help, then sign me up. 

Besides, wearing a mask is not all bad all the time. In fact, there are some marked advantages to wearing a mask that we may never have grown an appreciation for without having to wear them all the time. For example: 

  1. Ever run out of coffee filters on a Saturday morning and have to run to the store in your pajamas, with terrible hair and makeup from the night before still clinging to your face in odd places? Only to run into an old crush, or a former co-worker, or one of your kids’ friends’ parents? And then you spend extra time dodging around the store in order to avoid them while you grumble to yourself about why the fuck it had to be TODAY that you ran into them because you look like you got dumped in a burlap sack and dragged behind someone’s pickup truck for a couple of miles down back roads? Well, those early morning emergency Safeway runs are safe now; stick on a mask and nobody will recognize you unless they know you really well or you talk to them first. 
  2. Masks are a handy place to keep snacks and some of them can even double as a feed bag. 
  3. If you’re like me and your face has no inside voice, a mask is a really great place to hide those facial expressions of incredulity or disdain that you never really wanted to make in the first place. 
  4. Conversely, if you really want to stick your tongue out at someone – probably because they’re bellyaching about having their freedom taken away or something equally stupid – you totally can and NOBODY WILL KNOW. The only potential drawback here is making a habit of this practice because hopefully one day there won’t be a pandemic and we won’t have to wear masks anymore.
  5. Hygiene! Ever get 10 minutes into an afternoon meeting and suddenly wonder if the blueberries or poppyseeds you ate at lunch are all stuck in your teeth, and then try and not smile or speak or open your mouth until you can duck to the bathroom and make sure your teeth are presentable? Not anymore, my friends – that’s not a thing to worry about. You also don’t have to wonder if you have bad breath right now – because you get to smell your own breath ALL DAY LONG. Better make sure you stay hydrated and eat lots of fruit and veggies! 

 This is by no means an exhaustive list but it’s a start. What do you grudgingly appreciate about wearing a mask? Drop your comments below!


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